That is a weird combination don't ya think
but, I'll explain
Today marks an 11th month anniversary since Matthew passed away
but, THIS post will not be all about that
however, it did leave some deep SCARS
Boy do I miss his handsome face
That nightmarish phone call came at 6:43 a.m
from my daughters house
I KNEW something had to be wrong
as she'd never call that early
NOW, when the phone rings at a time I don't
think it should, my heart races
panic sets in
no matter how hard I try to be calm.
a definite scar
When I was a young girl
I had totally different plans and dreams for my life
I always thought "bad" things happened to "other"
people
People who really had no names ,no meaning to me
Thought I was invincible
WRONG
I imagine that was the same for many of you
life sometimes leaves us with scars
I feel like I have barbedwire around my heart
so that everytime you breath, inhale, exhale....it hurts
Maybe I am not so strong as many of you have given me credit for
but I am trying
I want to cut away the barbedwire
I try
I read "inspirational quotes" every day
(heck I even joined a source that sends you One inspirational quote a day
I read it, I see it
but it is not quite getting through the barbedwire
Still on my "happy pills"
cause as they say, .."a pill a day, keeps the shrinks away"
or is it "a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine so down?"
I am easily confused.
My blogs used to be FUNNY
I want my FUNNY back
BUT
on a happier note
a Celebration
Me and Mr. Gorgeous just celebrated our 2nd anniversary.
Yup, two years, and he's still keeping me around.
We decided to spend the day in Banff National Park
very cool place
was beautiful this time of year
snow gathering in the mountains
the fall leaves
Love it.
So Magestic
rugged
We did a little shopping in town
and I thought these Busses were awesome
We didn't see any bears this day however.
Anyway, I guess if we live long enough
Scars will heal
and there will be Many things to Celebrate
I like this country song by Canadian artist
Ian Tyson
called The Wonder Of It All
(chorus)
There's this place we're gonna ride
Up where the Rimrod meets the night
We'll go hand in hand
Rid'in through the purple star light
And the Coyote on the wind
Sends his lonely lovers call
We'll hold each other close
In the Wonder, of it All
AND SO, THAT IS LIFE
NO MATTER WHAT
IT'S THE WONDER OF IT ALL
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28 comments:
Hey Wendy...sending you healing thoughts. Although I know from experience that those scars can run very deep, we know what others may not, that we actually ARE stronger than we think, because we are still here to fight the battle! Take care and Happy Anniversary!
Really really? Did you have to do this to me tonight. Gee whiz gf # 6.
First Happy 2nd Anniversary. I didn't know, but then my brain has been mush.
I was out today for the first time, and I felt like everyone should know how I was feeling. i over heard a mother/daughter laughing and giggling. I go to the drive thru at A&W for Randy and the sweet girl had a button on that said " I �� Grandma". Well I lost it. I was driving home and that full moon (the one that you are also looking at right now) was so bright and beautiful. I know she's there, just like Matt is there for all of you.
But yeah it sucks.
I'm trying to get motivated Wendy. I'm trying to pack, to bring the stuff I'm suppose to be bringing, but it's just not coming together. I asked Miss Bee if she could meet us at the airport tomorrow night instead of seeing me on Thurs. at the event. I know I'll be a mess.
Jeanne and Claudia are going to be there to meet me, and hopefully Miss Bee. I want to get all this water out of my head.
LOVED you post and yes I know that song well.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
A Happy Anniversary and a sad Anniversary.
First Happy Happy Anniversary to you and Mr. G. I am so glad you guys found each other again and make each other so happy!! Banff looks gorgeous too!!
Sad Anniversary - I think we all have things in life that put the barbed wire around our hearts - we wouldn't be human if we didn't or we wouldn't have a life.
Love sometimes mean loss or pain but you would never give up the love part.
You are very strong and you are still funny and beautiful and amazing!!
Love ya
Appropriate inspirational quote: “Wonder is involuntary praise." ~Edward Young
So keep wondering, wonderful (even when it's hard).
Hey, Happy Anniversary Mr. and Mrs. Gorgeous you two look just darling!!
Your son is a very handsome young man and I'm sorry your heart is so heavy. My husband lost his sister to cancer 10 years ago and it still seems like yesterday.
Wendy,
I love that picture of you and Mr. Gorgeous! The scenery is so rugged and beautiful. Kinda like the two of you.
That barbed wire around your heart will eventually loosen. My heart goes out to you as you begin your healing process.
I hope your Mom is doing better. I'd love to sit with you and talk about our wishes-especially if you're making an apple pie!
Take care, my friend!
I'm sure your heart pains must be pretty intense some days. What a handsome son! It has been just a little over a year since my young nephew died and quite often we all have a good cry together. It is hard to have them taken in the prime of their lives. I hope you find comfort and peace in that beautiful part of the world in which you live. Thank goodness families are eternal.
I don't really have any words for your scars, dear friend...you are in my prayers...I just can't imagine how that feels, and I never want to. I'm so sorry.
I'm so happy that you're celebrating 2 years with your sweetheart, though! That's a wonderful thing! What a great song--beautiful pictures & what a great place to celebrate!
Sending lots of love your way & wishing for the barbs to loosen...you ARE strong, Wendy.
Julie
How weird that I have known you for over two years! Cool!
The pictures are all beautiful.. and I especially love the one of you and Barry. Love it.
I know too well about the barbed wire.. and much of what you expressed I feel as well. All I can say.. is I admire you for your strength.. and my heart is with you on those sad days.
Love you Wendy. I always love your posts.. and leave feeling inspired.
I'm so glad you have so much good to get you through the crap.
I used to think bad things only happened to bad people so I did everything I could to be good...to be perfect. Then my heart was torn out and my soul left bleeding and I realized bad things happen..period. We hold each other up and gather strength for another day but we are forever changed. Bittersweet.
Your heart will always heal...no matter what.
I don't know that scars ever really do heal. I think they are more like birth marks, stretches. Things will never go back to the way they were. But I do know that time makes the angriness and stinging of a fresh scar, a little less painful. At first our stretch marks are raw and red and over time they turn silvery or light. They never really go away but they change.
I don't know if it's to remind us of the stretching, the labor or the pain of growth and change or exactly why our scars aren't removed. But I do know that there will be a resurrection.
And then, all scars and marks will be gone.
And, I know that what seems unfair and too painful to bear now, will all be reconciled and made better someday.
I know that that isn't much consolation right now. I know that it still hurts tremendously. It's only been 11 months. I pray you will find peace and comfort.
Happy Anniversary to you!!
I really like you. I just do.
Happy Anniversary! Yay for Love!
Scars--we all have a few. Your heart is tender under that barbed wire--trying to protect that tender heart. It's understandable.
I think we all carry scars around our hearts...we keep them inside and don't share them very much..thanks for sharing yours this day. Life is so full of test and trials and sometimes I have to just cry out for the strength that comes through prayer. The only consolation for me is this...the Savior suffered more than I ever will and he did it for me. So, if I want to be with him again, I guess I can try to stand my trials. Love ya! ;D
You know, I think that's the thing about scars. Scars are permanent. They heal and don't look quite so red and angry, and the soreness never goes away, the the mark is always left behind. Even when it fades, the mark is still there. And THAT is okay.
Happy 2nd anniversary!!
Oh Wendy - you have such a way of expressing yourself and the scars and celebrations. I hope when you visit you can join our moms ... Monday or Wed evening. Much love!
Happy Anniversary!
I found your blog through mutual friends 11 months ago, right after you found out about your son. My heart still hurts for yours. I can name the times in my life when I've received each scar on my heart. I know it's like a definite piercing that will never really heal.
Today would have been my dad's 65th birthday. I don't even really know how to spend it. My husband brought me orange Tictacs last night because those were my dad's favorite. It made me happy. Maybe that's enough.
Hi Wendy Sweetie...
What a gorgeous share of your heart this morning. I so enjoyed reading it. What a beautiful tribute to both your anniversary and your gorgeous Son. I will be sending up some prayers for you sweetie, baby steps, just keep taking baby steps and whatever works for you to get through each day, each hour and each moment. Nobody knows but you sweet friend.
I so enjoyed reading through all of your shares. Without a computer for the last month I have missed so many things. I am happy to be back. You have a wonderful family, and those faces of love, PRICELESS. Thank you for sharing.
Have a glorious weekend. Many hugs and much love, Sherry
Well my girl.... if you ever run out of your happy pills - you can borrow some of mine. We are probably on the same stuff! I don't think the scars ever go away. WE just cover them up with make-up and a mona lisa smile. But I truly think as I know you do that life is great. There are fantastic people in our midst and all those sayings that say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and " there is nothing too great for God to handle" Well I think he has special super powers that I don't so I am quite frankly sick of hearing this stuff when life throws you tomatoes.
You totally still have your funny. I see it all the time. Today I wish I could come over and pick you up and go for a drive with the windows open and we could sing country songs and smoke sticks. The rest of the girls are doing crafts in the sunshine.
I took pictures of cows in the field near we live yesterday. It's like a barn with a field in the middle of a neighborhood. Can you imagine that at your place. You surrounded by townhouses. It's just weird how the landscape of life changes around us.
That's what happens. We just can't take the living out of life and throw away what we don't want and put the rest back in. Darn it all anyways.
So here's to keeping things positive in our lives sister # 6. Look down at your feet while you are walking through the clover today because I see a four leafer in your path!
Love ya.
Happy Anniversary to you and Mr. Gorgeous! You two live in an amazing place I guess you know! Yep, it does look mighty cold so I can see where breaking the water on the trough will become a full time job.
I haven't lost a child of my own Wendy, so I can only imagine the pain that you have been going through this past year my sweet friend. Oh, I wish I was there right now to hold you in a hug and say all was going to be fine.
I always explained the first few years of coming to grips with the fact that Landon would not be typical for a child--as being shot with a shotgun to the chest. It would just start to heal and then something would happen and rip the scab off and I would have to start healing all over again.
Now I have a beautiful scar there to remind me everyday of what I have lived through. And you will too Wendy.
lots of love from here...
Wendy.
I don't really know what to say.
I wish we could go for a walk together and cry.
Crying and feeling is okay. It is .
It's why you love so well. Look at how you see ... the wonder and mystery and beauty. The love.
You live because you can.
You don't have to understand everything.
Just be who you are .
You are beloved.
That is such a loving picture of you and Mr. Gorgeous. You've had a lot happening to you in the past 2 years and I know how quickly they pass by.
Good shots of Banff. Imagine that you were in Whitehall, Mt. There's nothing there and the wind blows so hard, you can't get your car door open. Manzanita@Wannabuyaduck
The reason I love your blog is because you still have your funny... and your sensitivity, and your practicality. You are awesome.
I don't know if the hurt ever really stops, but you seem to be a real testament to the way time allows you to move forward and tackle new things.
Best wishes.
Hey there.. Congrats on the years with Barry, you seem so very happy, I am glad you have him in your life.
Some days are harder than others, hang on... this aspect of life just stinks sometimes.. love you
Dear Wendy, First, Happy 2nd Anniversary! Congrats - figured I'd get the HAPPY part out of the way first! :)
Now, for the not so happy part. You are the bravest woman I know Wendy, to lose your son and get up every day and try your darn best to move forward the way he'd want you to. It all takes time, healing, figuring out where all the new puzzle pieces fit, or don't fit.
For me personally, life was very hard for me to continue to live happily or find any joy after my Dad passed. Six months later I began having serious neck problems...eventually it led to my Dr asking me if anything had impacted my life in those past 6 months...and I fell apart in her office in response to her question. There I was, standing in her office crying like a baby when I didn't have the ability to cry into the arms of my own husband at the time. I hid my pain from everyone; even tried to hide the tears from myself. I figured if I didn't cry...maybe it wouldn't be real. :( But it was real... Moving forward - Went to Grief therapist and began my work to finding out how to continue to live and find joy despite the loss of my Dad. That grief therapy changed my life...and God used the death of my Dad to find out so many things...and I still to this day thank my DAD in heaven for helping me to move forward, as it was in losing him that I found myself, my true self.
Today I know that when I cry for my dad and long to have him near me, (from what my grief therapist taught me)that it brings him closer to my heart and I can embrace him in that moment. It's normal and healthy...and then after my hard cry...it's OKAY to find joy...to be happy...and to LIVE my life without guilt. It's okay that life didn't stop when my dad died...and it's okay for you too that it didn't stop when Matthew died.
YOU my lovely Doris Day...can sing to Matthew every moment of the day and I believe HE can hear you. So, check out in your area if there is any grief therapy offered...I highly recommend it, even if it's been an entire year since he's left you. Emptying one's heart helps to remove the barbwire..it did mine!
I love you friend!
~CC
Please remove my sunset photo from your post. It is protected by copyright law.
JaqStone
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