Saturday, January 19, 2013


Just a few things on my mind
to share with you
what is it in YOUR life that you are waiting for
a new home
a vacation
a new job
a transfer
a crisis to end
a child to "find his way"
a husband's return from the military
SOOOOO many things.
sometimes the things we wait for Weigh heavy on us
I guess they shouldn't really
because Things tend to happen WHEN they happen
nothing we do can to make that speed up it seems
Do you lie awake at night
going over and over the things you are waiting for
I always am amazed how at night
things become harder, seem to be more unattainable
Insecurities and hurts , anxieties and fears
GROW teeth at night
AHHHHH daylight, and yup
everything seems Lighter

 Sure seems to make a difference for me anyway. 

My mom and dad are in the process of WAITING right now
but sadly since Good Health is not going to be a possibility for them
waiting...for what really
Dad says he is ready to die
They hurt so much (I won't go into all the details) but there really isn't anything
the Medical Profession can do for them.

It hurts to watch THEM hurt
My brother and I took a trip to Southern Alberta just for a little visit
Taking advantage of those opportunities while we can
Dad was in the hospital home now

I , ALWAYS as a blogger take my camera for photos
But I could NOT bring myself to take a picture of my daddy lying in that hospital bed
looking so frail and vulnerable
I wanted a photo of him and my brother and sister
with him, but I couldn't do it

So I choose a happier photo instead
(I've had this on before) 

This was just last August. My dad and some great grandchildren
MY grandchildren

he has deteriorated significantly even those few months ago 

Even watching my mom sitting on the couch all wrapped up in a cozy blanket
hands folded in her lap
dark blue veins, like tributaries leading to and from
her life's story

Time is an ODD Ungraspable thing
consistent...but never in a hurry

It's OK
teaches us stuff I guess
It's OK to perhaps tell the Lord
(as my dad does) that it's Time
no need to wait any longer

And besides...I think MATT is also
for my dad to join him "there"
that will be a joyful happy time for them both actually 


There is a chair WAITING for him , my dad

for the Rest of us
 The sun will set
as we Wait on another day
I hope I don't let the "waiting on things" in my life
spoil the Joy of just Living THIS day 

 (view from out my front porch)
 This isn't meant to be a sad or depressing post.  It's the journey
in life we will all go through at some poin

I love Bruce Springsteen's song
Waiting on a Sunny Day  (in part)

It's raining but there ain't a cloud in the sky
Must of been a tear from your eye
Everything will be okay

I'm waiting, waiting on a sunny day
gonna chase the clouds away
Waiting on a sunny day

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

50 SHADES OF..... 2013

Ha Ha
I thought the title might grab your attention
because , seriously....I got Nothing
Just not that much to blog about lately
So I'll try and shade in some thoughts
It's a new year
in case you didn't know
As I get older I find that a New Year
isn't really a New Year....but a new number
2011, 2012, 2013
a new way of "charting things"
but....A NEW YEAR
might be something entirely different
focusing on more of a New You
in THAT year
(deep eh)
I have spent 61 New Years
the Date's have had little meaning as to the
way I have grown
spiritually and mentally and emotionally
they blend into one year from another sometimes
So, therefore
there are many Shades...30, 40, 50...or 61 in my case
of how a new year has affected you
polishing your experiences
sharpening your opinions
Time flies, that I KNOW
so trite, but so true
Those wings are flapping faster then I'd like sometimes
the older you get, the quicker things change
for good...for bad...for better...for worse
(hmmm, was that a marriage vow?)
The tricky part
is that
it's EASY PEASY to deal with the good,
(yes I love Duck Dynasty)
and well, Better is just Better !!!
for Bad
harder...does it make you angry, bitter, what??
for Worse
now there's a doozy
worse, is well....just worse
Worse is where we get tested right to the core of who we are
not so sure I have liked what I have found out about myself
I have been reading some of my journals over the years
and I have found a "pattern"
a pattern I want to change......somehow
Since Time Flies
I better get on it so I can see some accomplishments
in this place I want to be
Where I thought I'd be by now
WHO I thought I'd be by now
my dreams
my visions
my hopes
they don't always change over the years
just need a little altering
as reality hits you right in the schnoz
THIS year I suspect will be full of many
experiences for growth for me
(hopefully not in the waist line)
My parents are getting older and much more fragile
I am still in the process of  "building" my life here
children with dreams and aspirations of their own
grandchildren finding their way
I don't know
NEW YEARS have surprises for all of us
I want to try and stay on top of it all
Like the country song
"I'm gettin' a little stronger all the time"
that's what I need to do
for each and every one of you
a New this new year
this calendar year
just a number
but WHAT does it hold for You
I'm gonna go for it
before I run out of numbers