Saturday, January 19, 2013

The WEIGHT of WAITING

Just a few things on my mind
to share with you
WAITING
what is it in YOUR life that you are waiting for
a new home
a vacation
a new job
a transfer
a crisis to end
a child to "find his way"
a husband's return from the military
SOOOOO many things.
sometimes the things we wait for Weigh heavy on us
I guess they shouldn't really
because Things tend to happen WHEN they happen
nothing we do can to make that speed up it seems
Do you lie awake at night
going over and over the things you are waiting for
I always am amazed how at night
things become harder, seem to be more unattainable
BIGGER
Insecurities and hurts , anxieties and fears
GROW teeth at night
AHHHHH daylight, and yup
everything seems Lighter
 (pinterest)

 Sure seems to make a difference for me anyway. 

My mom and dad are in the process of WAITING right now
but sadly since Good Health is not going to be a possibility for them
waiting...for what really
Dad says he is ready to die
 
They hurt so much (I won't go into all the details) but there really isn't anything
the Medical Profession can do for them.

It hurts to watch THEM hurt
My brother and I took a trip to Southern Alberta just for a little visit
Taking advantage of those opportunities while we can
Dad was in the hospital then....is home now

I , ALWAYS as a blogger take my camera for photos
But I could NOT bring myself to take a picture of my daddy lying in that hospital bed
looking so frail and vulnerable
I wanted a photo of him and my brother and sister
with him, but I couldn't do it


So I choose a happier photo instead
(I've had this on before) 

This was just last August. My dad and some great grandchildren
MY grandchildren

he has deteriorated significantly even those few months ago 

Even watching my mom sitting on the couch all wrapped up in a cozy blanket
hands folded in her lap
dark blue veins, like tributaries leading to and from
her life's story

Time is an ODD Ungraspable thing
consistent...but never in a hurry


It's OK
Waiting 
teaches us stuff I guess
It's OK to perhaps tell the Lord
(as my dad does) that it's Time
no need to wait any longer



And besides...I think MATT is also
WAITING
for my dad to join him "there"
that will be a joyful happy time for them both actually 

 (pinterest)

There is a chair WAITING for him , my dad


for the Rest of us
 The sun will set
as we Wait on another day
I hope I don't let the "waiting on things" in my life
spoil the Joy of just Living THIS day 



 (view from out my front porch)
 
 This isn't meant to be a sad or depressing post.  It's the journey
in life we will all go through at some poin

I love Bruce Springsteen's song
Waiting on a Sunny Day  (in part)

It's raining but there ain't a cloud in the sky
Must of been a tear from your eye
Everything will be okay

I'm waiting, waiting on a sunny day
gonna chase the clouds away
Waiting on a sunny day
      

39 comments:

Julie Harward said...

OH WOW..this was beautiful Wendy! I love your heart, you express yourself so well. Waiting...I am doing that right now, and I get caught up in the anxiousness of it all. I think the Lord has been trying to teach me patience for my whole life. Love you sis and I pray that life will be good to you and your sweet parents. God bless them.

Heidi said...

A beautiful artistic post. As I said before, this is the place my dad is at right now. His 86th birthday is Monday but he is too sick for a party but not sick enough for us to gather around his bedside, you know? I want to see him but he isn't up to it. It's so hard! Love you!

C'est moi Claudette said...

Awe Wendy girl. We talked about this didn't we? The waiting game. It's a tough one. It's in God's hands now gf. I know you know. It must make you feel a wee better that Matt is waiting for him and your sweet mom. You really know how to express yourself. I've always enjoyed your stories and your heart. That's why I love you soooo much.
Thanks for calling yesterday. My heart always jumps when I see caller ID... WENDY.....
Love You BGF
xoxoxoxoxo

Pondside said...

Wendy, as I clicked on your post I sat waiting. Another half hour before we leave for the celebration of life for a friend who died on Wednesday - her own birthday. It was sudden - she was too young - her husband is bereft - her friends in shock. We don't have any idea of our time - in big chunks or small - so we need to be mindful of grabbing hold of every minute and making it a good one. I am so sorry to read that your parents are waiting and wasting. Mine are too. It's a challenging time of life.
Hugs to you from me on the coast.

"Alone again.... naturally!" said...

Lovely post! And my favorite photo besides the nice one of your dad and the kids is the one of the empty chair and the cat....it's waiting for all of us at the right time and I look forward to seeing those that go ahead of us....yes, I do :)

" Hit It......." said...

This is a beautiful post. I am in a similar situation with my own father. His suffering continues even though he is ready to go. Like you were saying, all we can do is wait.

Sometimes in life their are worse things than death. Living in a body that is no longer healthy can be more of a prison than for walls.

I hope this transition goes bye fast. The waiting can sometimes be more unbearable than the inevitable.

Hugs and prayers to you my sweet friend.

travelintoadventure@gmail.com said...

My dear sweet friend -- Nov 16 2012 was my Dad's funeral.. now both of my parents have passed on to a much better place..My dad dealt with cancer since 2008 I rejoiced when my Dad died and was taken by surprised when my mom died.. But it's all good and Life is Good and we are Blessed -- but I know some what of your feelings.. it's hard.. it's hard!
All the best and sweet days a head!
Hugs

dbs said...

Loved this. And it helped me. Thank you. (I choose the better picture too.)

Diane said...

Lovely post my friend. My mother always called those hours at night that you can't sleep "the witching hours". Nighttime does indeed make problems seems so much bigger than they really are, when in fact what we need is a good night sleep to meet the problem head on in the morning. The weight of waiting indeed, the truth is, I think we are all waiting for sometime or other. Diane

The Gathering Place said...

Good luck to you and your parents as they wait out the rest of their earthly existence. It is a bitter-sweet time as you enjoy their presence, yet hate to see them miserable and suffering. Good thing we believe in eternal families!

Unknown said...

Love is everlasting, he will take a great load of it with him. Assure him that your mom will be cared for. The suffering is hardest to watch. Focus on the good times. Hugs, Pam n Rick ;)

Unknown said...

Love is everlasting, he will take a great load of it with him. Assure him that your mom will be cared for. The suffering is hardest to watch. Focus on the good times. Hugs, Pam n Rick ;)

Unknown said...

Love is everlasting, he will take a great load of it with him. Assure him that your mom will be cared for. The suffering is hardest to watch. Focus on the good times. Hugs, Pam n Rick ;)

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Gorgeous soul,

Let me first say how much I think your daddy looks like your beloved Matthew.....wow. Unbelievable resemblance.

WAITING is one of the key words I use in my MEMOIRS. Yes, I took a class on writing my memoirs and I intend to continue to write them. Waiting is part of so many lives. You record it WELL, all the instances in your life, and that makes a strong bond with anyone brave enough to admit that they too are in a WAITING ROOM of sorts. We all are.

You are beautiful, your life is too. Leave something behind that will give courage to your progeny to follow the path we have been accorded. Bless you dearest Wendy, Anita

Kristin said...

Beautiful!! You are amazing! XOXO

Kristina P. said...

I love that you still talk about Matt so often. I think it helps everyone to remember what a great person he was and is.

H.K. said...

I can understand not wanting to take a picture of your dad when he's so sick. Maybe you never have to. The pictures you want to have are the ones that bring about good memories. The waiting is the hardest. Thinking and praying for you during this difficult time.

jeanne, backyard neighbor said...

Hi Wendy, I am always so pleased when you come by for a visit. I love to come back to see if you have a new post. I know I have said this many times but your posts have so much meaning and words to make one think. I think we are always waiting for something. It changes just like our lives change from day to day.

I am sorry your mom and dad are not doing well. It reminded me of those times when my parents were going through health problems that could not get better. I tried to tell myself that they had happy lives with so many lovely things to be thankful for but it was a sad time for those who loved them. We have to face the facts and try to stay positive. Sunny days are always helpful so I always think sunny thoughts when I can. Your parents have the blessing of your love and I am positive that makes them happy.

I really love the photos you shared as always.

Blessings and lots of sista love,
Jeanne xoxoxo

mCat said...

Great post. Very poignant. Thank you!

Makes me think of the line in Shawshank Redemption:
"Get busy living or get busy dying" I take that as, stop waiting and do

A Vintage Chic said...

So beautiful said, Wendy...and I loved every single word. (you really are an artist with words, you know.)

I'm so sorry about your parents' health, though...keeping you all in my prayers.

Sending love your way, dear friend...

Julie

Garden of Egan said...

That was beautiful.
As always you nail the words right on the head.
I love this post.
I especially love the view from your porch.
Lovely!

Becky said...

I've said it before but ... Oh my you are amazing with words and how you write and share. Oh I wish your dad well and isn't that a tough one with so many mixed emotions in the wait. Much love to him and you.

CB said...

I have actually thought about this quite a bit. I do not want to live to be super old. I don't want to wait in this way. It seems so hard. My great grandma was 102 when she passed in the year 2000. When she was 90 she told my Aunt "Don't live this long - it's too long".
I feel bad for you parents and for you - It is definately a hard thing to watch. Right now I have my other grandma in the same boat. She is 91 and not doing well. She is in pain.
You said this all so well Wendy and I am afraid that I have not commented quite as eloquently but bottom line I agree. Don't live your life waiting and don't try to live forever!

lesa said...

Waiting is bitter sweet sometimes. I've been trying to just enjoy the moments instead of thinking that there is a better perfect moment around the corner because really this moment is the best, isn't it?

(new to your blog..came by way of the fabulous garden of egan)

Linda @ Itsy Bits And Pieces said...

OH Wendy...such a touching and thought-provoking post. I love the photo of your dad and your grandchildren. I am entering this same stage of life and it is hard, especially as I am not nearby to help. Your post was heartfelt and lovely...XO

tammy said...

Beautiful post Wendy. I can so relate to the heaviness of nights right now and how the morning everything seems lighter. Nights are the worst for me right now. I'm sorry you're having to go through this right now.

Mimi Sue said...

It's so hard watching your parents grow old. And you're right, your Dad just wants to go home. The older I get the more I know that we need to live in the moment. Enjoy every single moment. It goes by soooo fast! Beautiful post Wendy! Mimi

Carrie @ Cottage Cozy said...

Very wise words...Wendy and beautifully spoken to us! Thanks for this amazing post!

Shelia said...

Oh, Wendy! I understand about seeing our parents age and when the pain comes, we can't fix it. I'm so sorry and will be praying for you and your family. It's hard. I don't have any brothers or sisters and I have to be the total caregiver for my mom who is 89. Remember to take care of yourself. You need you! :)
Blessing,
Shelia ;)

jeanne, backyard neighbor said...

Hi Wendy, Thanks for your visit as always. Those floats are beautiful and all made out of flowers. My friend Riet in Holland says the most beautiful parade is in Holland when the tulips and spring flowers are in bloom. This parade was in the Netherlands.

My cousin Bob is here now so I have been busy entertaining him. He loves to play cards, so many hours of my day is playing cards. Sigh!

It is late so goodnight my sweet sista friend.
Love, Jeanne

GardenofDaisies said...

Oh Wendy, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. It's so hard to see a parent's health fade... slow or fast, it's just hard. These are the people that were always strong for us, and now the roles are reversed and they need us to be strong and help them get through to the end. My Dad passed away about 4 months ago, so I understand how you are feeling. Hugs.

camp and cottage living said...

Wendy
This was such a touching post. I can certainly relate to it. My Dad just passed in Dec. and my Mom , who is bedridden wants to join Dad
now.
It is so wonderful to know that our loved ones will be there waiting to welcome us and our parents.
I'll pray for your parents, dear friend.

Melinda said...

This made me cry a little Wendy! I'm sorry about your parents, I can't imagine how hard it would be to watch them grow older and more fragile. Thanks for the reminder to live in today and not wish for something else to come along.

Deserae said...

I'm sorry you are going thru this right now. I wish I could take the pain away somehow?!?!? Waiting is so hard.....I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
~Des

Zuzu said...

I hear you, Wendy. I have been trying to help my dad find the joy in living in the moment.
Sending hugs your way,
Zuzu

Shelia said...

HI Wendy! I'm sorry for all you're going through now and will be saying a prayer for you.
Be a sweetie,
Shelia ;)

Connie said...

Wendy, I love you! What a beautiful post. It seems we all play the waiting game in some form or other. Take care, my friend!

June said...

I LOVE your heart my lovely friend!
It's so hard as our parents age Wendy. My dad's gone now and as I watch my mom fade, I often find myself thinking about what it will be like without her. Then Dale and I will be the old ones, and someday our children will be going through what we are now.
You are SO right about not waiting but get on with living every single day to it's fullest.
I love you girl!
much love...

Charlene said...

I LOVE YOUR BLOG! You are beautiful & so is your spirit. I found you on June's blog (Laughing with Angels) & am sooooooooo glad I found you. Your attitude & happy heart with a huge doze of reality is refreshing. HUGS & Healing for you all.
Charlene